.....Falling in Love.....at the Wrong Time.....

2007 was a new year for me and my boyfriend. When January entered I felt that our love for each other have already fade away. Maybe because he is always admiring a certain classmate of him and a friend of mine. I felt that he do not love me anymore. I felt that he long love from that girl rather than seeking love from me, his girlfriend. I seek for advices from my friends. Some told me to cut the strings attached between us while some says that it is better to talk to him and tell him my problem and on what I really feel.

One day, I was busy talking about this thing with my friend Kim while the my boyfriend was busy practicing for the legacy of our fast approaching Junior and Senior promenade. While we were talking tears run down my face. I can not believe it, I cried for just a guy. I wiped out the tears but my watery eyes was still obvious and noticeable that is why a guy friend approach me. This guy happened to be the hatest guy of my boyfriend. This guy asked me why am I sad. I told him the whole story. After hearing my side, he told me that what my boyfriend did was wrong, he was not supposed to admire other girl in front of me. He comforted me by saying many things, words of wisdom. He told me his problem regarding his family, on what happened to his mother. He made me laugh with his jokes. I felt comfort with him. Our closeness began that day.

One time while we were talking, he told me that it is possible that he might fall in love with me. I took his words seriously. Knowing this did not affect our closeness. It even strengthen our relationship. I am happy with him and maybe I will always be happy with him. We always talk even during classes. We eat together at breaktime. I spent much time with him than with my boyfriend. My boyfriend noticed our closeness and asked me if I can stop befriending that boy because he do not like this boy. It was hard for me to stop talking with this boy but I know that I should to protect the relationship between my boyfriend and me. I confronted the guy and I asked him if what he really feels for me. He answered me:"I do not know, I am not yet sure". After hearing this, I told him to prevent his feeling before its to late. But he misunderstood what I said. He thought that I was telling him to keep distance from me. But I really did not. After we talked he did not talked to me anymore. Everytime he sees me he always pretended that he did not see me. I am like a ghost to him. I do not like what is already happening. I felt that I am missing him. I felt that I long for him.

Maybe.... maybe I am already falling out of love. Falling in love at the wrong time.

WhEn I aM JeAlOuS.......

Are you a jealous person? Me? Ofcourse, I am. I do not know why and I hate it when I am. But maybe being jealous is natural for me especially that I am a girl and the eldest child in our family.

Honestly, I do not want to be jealous. When I am jealous, everything about me change. My attitude changes. When I am jealous I become bad. I become hot tempered and "isnabera". Jealousy makes me silent and being silent is not me because I am a noisy person.

I believe that jealousy is a shows insecurity and distrust. I am jealous in many ways. In the family, I felt jealous when my parents give the things my other siblings asked from them while they do not do this to me when I was at their age. Jealousy enters in me when my parents compare me to my sister and brother saying that my sibling are much better than me when it comes to drawing, writing, penmanship, etc.

In school, when my teachers shows favoritism to my other classmate I end up cursing that certain classmate of mine. I spread bad things about her/him. I become impulsive, not thinking on what will be the effect of what I am doing to other people.

In a relationship with friends, jelousy is also present. I do not want my friends to befriend others. I just want them to be friends with me, just me. I know this is selfishness but I do not know how to minimize this jealousy in me, I do not know why am I like this, I do not know why I am selfish. Because of this, I end up being left behind by others, being left alone. And I hate to be alone.

In a boy to girl relationship, I am dreadfully jealous. Honestly, I have a boyfriend. That boyfriend of mine is not my classmate but we were in the same school. I will not just mention his name. Because we were not classsmates I do not know what is happening to him when we both have classes. I do not know who is he talking with or who is he with. One day, when heading to Ayala terminal, I noticed that in our conversation he is always mentioning the name of my friend which a girl and a classmate of him. He always admire this certain girl in front of me saying this girl is beautiful, kind, etcetera, etcetera. I admit that this girl is truly beautiful and pleasant. Everytime he admire this girl, I feel jealous and I feel something cutting my heart apart. I feel angry. Even if deep inside I am bursting in tears and anger I do not want to tell him or even let him to notice it because I do not want him to feel being distrusted. So what I always do is, I smile everytime he admire this girl. This admiration did not just happened for once but it repeated until I can not take the heartaches anymore, until it came to a point that I already wanted to cut the strings attached between us. I do not want to hate my bestfriend because I believe that friend are more important than guys. I seek for advices from my friends. Some told me to talk to him first and tell him what I really feel and talk about it so that things would settled. Some also said that it is better to have a break-up because what he did was wrong. He was not supposed to to do that thing especially in front of me. Because my friends' decisions were different I became confused on what will I really do. Confusions pushed me to do other things like reading books and quotations. While I was reading my quotation book I found one quote which I think hit me so much , It says: "In jealousy there is more self-love than love". In reading this I decided to just go on with our relationship and tell him that I do not want to hear him admiring other girl in front of me.

The quotation did not really changed my disposition regarding being jealous. I am still a jealous person but not to a point of hurting others.